RELEASE JUDGMENT
Judgment creates separation. It creates feelings ranging from worthlessness to narcissistic grandiosity. A judgmental nature often stems from trauma leading to low self-esteem. This foundation makes it difficult for one to have healthy love for self and others. Life becomes burdensome and lack of trust abounds, thus isolating oneself even more.
Be prepared to release judgment by going within and paying attention to how you treat others. Some of these judgments have become so engrained, they may not be easily identified. One major cause of blindness to this issue is a staunch hold on feeling the need to be justified as a reaction to what others say to you. Even if you were wronged, holding a grudge and focusing on the worst in others causes only more separation. Be wary of falling into the trap of needed to defend or justify yourself on matters of lesser importance. This can grow out of hand quickly leading to broken relationships, abuse and court cases that could have been averted.
Pay attention to any thoughts you have in which you see any person as better or less than you. When one compares themselves unrealistically to others, they will always fall short, creating even more imbalance. Comparisons and placing expectations on others are two pitfalls to avoid. Relinquish the need to be right and the need to get others on “your side.” These cause more separation. Always keep in mind that you will never win a battle with a narcissistic or abusive person. For these, it is best to walk away as quickly, quietly and gracefully as possible.
Accept that everyone has the right to choose their own experiences. Instead of finding ways you are different, begin to have conversations in which you find ways in which you are similar. Set boundaries with those who tend to pick fights. Sometimes, “silence is golden.” It takes two to tangle. Walk away from a heated argument. Allow both of you to have time to cool off before resuming the conversation. Then listen to each other’s side of the story, setting aside emotional reactions as much as possible. When both parties can act maturely in this situation, seeing the valid concerns of the others, then disagreements can more readily be settled in a friendly manner. At times, an impartial mediator can be of help to resolve important issues.
Choose your battles wisely. Take time to ask yourself how important this issue will be next week, next year, in five years. Chose to disagree, agreeably. If the other is unwilling to do so, then turn off the heat on the burner and gracefully walk away.
Most heated arguments crop up when one person attempts to force their beliefs and will onto another. Stand firm in what you know to be right. Be sure that you are not the one forcing your belief or expectation on the other. Recognize that another’s opinion of you is just that, their opinion. It does not have to become your reality. Agree to negotiate when it is appropriate to do so.
No two people embrace identical beliefs. Accept differences the same as you would expect a library to be full of various books. Every person is a living library, each has a different cover and story to tell. Although there are many genres of books, each story within the genre is unique. There may be some books you have no interest in reading when you are young, that you find fascinating as you mature. It is the same with people. There are some you find no common ground with, perhaps your entire lifetime, yet they are treasured by others. Everyone has value but not everyone is a valuable asset in one’s life.
One thing is certain, if you release judgment, less judgment will come back to you. Who knows, maybe you’ll find some great friends along the way!
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” ~ Matthew 7:1-2