Relinquish the need to change others. Focus your attention inward, on changing your attitude and beliefs. Once you are in control of your emotions and responses, you will have less need and desire to change others. The goal is to love freely, without judging others. No one knows the full background circumstances that have led a person toward being grouchy, mean or evil.
Go within and work on your ability to love others unconditionally. In the beginning, especially with difficult relationships, this may seem impossible. In these cases, work within yourself and find ways you can forgive them. Take responsibility for anything you have done that was harmful to them. Elevate yourself above the impulse to be snarky, to take revenge or judge them.
Sometimes you may have to “fake it ‘til you make it.” Your subconscious brain does not know the difference between reality and fantasy. Continually redirect your focus to more loving thoughts. Do not allow yourself to dwell on negativity, instead, focus on how you can add more love to the relationship. In this manner, your brain will re-pattern itself. Before long, you will not be constrained by the behaviors of others. You will also find it easier to walk or run away from abusive situations, gracefully.
When you become emotionally balanced, the ability to unconditionally love others will be easier, perhaps even for those who have caused you the greatest harm. With practice, no matter if others hang you upon a cross, you will recognize that that they are the ones in most need of love. When you can’t muster a sense of love for your lost associates, at the least, develop compassion and respond with kindness. Many an abusive person has turned their life around due to a simple act of kindness by another. Be that person.
“If your enemies are hungry, give them food to eat. If they are thirsty, give them water to drink. You will heap burning coals of shame on their heads, and the Lord will reward you.” ~ Proverbs 25:21-22
This passage is quoted by the Apostle Paul in Romans 12:20, and it means that acts of kindness and good deeds toward an enemy can lead them to feel shame and regret, potentially causing a change of heart or a transformation from cruelty to a more positive relationship.
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