Hello! I am Reverend Theresa Crabtree and I often get asked about my life experiences that led me to my current work. So, I am sharing some of the highlights that perhaps will help with your energy healing and spiritual awakening path.
THE FORMATIVE YEARS
I was born in Indiana, USA in 1956, the youngest of four siblings. The foundation of my life was built on knowing I was unwanted. For decades, I took on the blame and guilt for being the reason my parents did not break up sooner. It wasn’t until my dad gave me his Navy diary that I realized my parents never should have hooked up in the first place.
Dad left our home and moved a few houses away, to live with his mother. I was in first grade. That was the beginning of the emotional abandonment issues. He was the lucky one, leaving us with an abusive, emotionally imbalanced mother. Her mental health was questionable. If she had followed through with professional counseling, I would guess that she would have received some labels such as: narcissist, bipolar and manic depression.
For a while after dad moved out, there was some semblance of peace in the house. No more hiding under the stairs, trying to be invisible during their screaming matches. I missed him terribly. Although, I could see his bedroom from my bedroom, I cried myself to sleep for the next three years. There was a lot of emotional trauma during those early, formative years.
WHY THERESA HAS NEVER BEEN DRUNK
Although my mom wasn’t a drinker, she picked up her suitors and husbands from the local bars. Most of them were alcoholic and really creepy.
Stepfather number one was a weekend drunk. Like clockwork, he would come home enraged and war would ensue between him and my mother. It often ended with one of the older girls pulling him back while he strangled my mother. Someone would call the police and he’d be carted off in a paddy wagon. Hiding under the stairs and becoming invisible was reactivated. I still feel safest in small, dark places.
While watching Phil Donahue a decade later, I realized why no one ever did sleepovers at our house and why I wasn’t invited to others. I had taken it personally, not realizing it was due to the family chaos. Too late, the self-esteem had already taken a deep nosedive.
With this stepfather came a stepsister. I really liked her, but that changed the bedroom dynamics. Now I was imprisoned with my obsessive-compulsive (OCD), neurotic sister. Life was a living hell until I finally got my own room. That significantly helped lower my anxiety level. As an empath, I easily get overwhelmed by other’s emotions, especially when they are out of whack. I still feel safest and happiest when living alone.
By tenth grade, two of my alcoholic stepfathers were dead. The first committed suicide and the second due to health complications. His doctor refused to spend his time and expertise unless the stepfather quit smoking and drinking. He chose the addictions and fell over dead on my nephew’s birthday. Party cancelled. As a result, I vowed never to drink alcohol, do drugs, smoke cigarettes or drink coffee. I saw how these addictions ruled people’s lives. So, there was a blessing in all that angst.
CATHOLIC SCHOOL: NO SAINT THERESA HERE
In second grade, both classes went to confession every Tuesday. Really? What sins does a seven-year old commit? One day, I confessed that I hadn’t gone to church that Sunday. That was the wrong thing to admit! Father “Terribly Bossy” screamed and ranted! I sat there in the dark paralyzed with fear, having PTSD flashbacks of my home life. But here, the small dark space was not safe and I was not invisible.
When I escaped the confessional, 59 classmates were waiting their turn in line. 118 shocked eyes, staring at me! I could feel their fear and judgment as they fantasized about all the horrible things I must have done. As a result, I withdrew from them and felt that they also withdrew from me. That lasted for the remaining six years at that school. As a result, I rejected the Catholic teachings. I wanted no part of a vengeful god that required an abusive, alcoholic priest to be his mediator.
However, I took on two major beliefs that made an impact on my life. First was the belief, “If you sin, you go to hell.” Since all the sins that sent you to hell were not outlined, there were many times that I didn’t do something, just in case…
Also, if you even questioned that Jesus is not the son of God, that was a mortal sin. That meant a one-way ticket to hell with no chance for pardon. Two decades later, when I did question the authenticity of Jesus, my spiritual awakening took roots. That was a huge fear to overcome and had been a big block to allowing me to expand my consciousness. Jesus and I are great buds now. He is an important member of the SoulCleanse.
THERESA AND MOM: THE BIG MOVE
In the summer before my senior year of high school, my mom won a contest and decided to move to North Carolina. I chose to go with her because I was getting death threats from the boy I was in love with. Although she didn’t know about this, my Spirit Guides did and gave me a safe exit route. Although I never had contact with him again, nearly every night for several decades, I woke up in a sweat with an image of him about to shoot me in the head. Yet, I still had deep love for him. My concept of love and feeling I could “save” him was a bit skewed and affected all my relationships.
Halfway through my senior year of high school, my mom went on a trip to Florida, chasing yet another married man. He dissed her, so she hooked up with another married man, who became stepfather number three. While in Florida, she called me excitedly to say she had obtained a one bedroom apartment and a job. (My mom does Not work, that’s what her men were for.) I was clearly not part of her plan. More abandonment issues. She pushed me to marry a man that I didn’t even like. I didn’t know how to say, “no.” All that week, a voice inside my head kept screaming, “Don’t do this!” But, two weeks after graduating high school, I married him anyway and gave up my plan to use my college scholarship.
BACK TO CHURCH
Five years later, when I was pregnant with my second child, the Catholic fear of hell started to plague me. So, I was baptized at a Christian church. The church became a big part of my life, during my divorce and subsequent marriage. I started college when I was 35 and it was there that I had an eye-opening experience. This led me to question the deity of Jesus. That was the scariest fear that I had to overcome. The wrong choice meant eternity in hell.
I left the church and divorced my husband and mother at the same time. I worked at the church, so there went my source of income. Unfortunately, I also had to leave my friends because they were overly-concerned about saving my soul. It was a very lonely time.
Another lady and I decided to go on a quest for the Truth. Twice a week choosing a different church. After services, we would gather the pamphlets that showed their major beliefs. I had the theory that if there was a god, then he must be somehow related to all these religions. The common denominator that I found with all of them was “love your neighbor as yourself.” Whew, that was too big for me! I didn’t even like myself, much less know how to love others. I equated love with pain and abandonment. I’m still working on that false belief.
Years later, I heard the Dalai Lama proclaim, “Kindness is my religion,” that I found something I could relate to. I wasn’t always kind, but it was something much easier to attain than loving others.
Through the following decades, I had many “Aha!” moments and a lot of synchronicities that were obviously Divinely orchestrated. I didn’t always follow through with the intuitions and nudgings I received. However, I have discovered that if there is something important you contracted to do before incarnating, you won’t get any rest until you do it. So, after several surrenders, I finally got past many of my fears and raised my self-esteem high enough to start making contact with my Higher Self.
Making a conscious connection with my Guides was the true beginning of my spiritual awakening. I still resisted and I didn’t follow through with their Guidance on way too many occasions. However, as time marched on, I began to listen a lot more. When I do, I am rewarded heavily with inner peace and abundance in all areas of my life.
During much of this awakening time, although abundance was always there, I had no desire to remain on earth. Thanks to the Catholic training, I believed that suicide led straight to hell. So, I tried to “will” myself to die. Starvation didn’t work because I was too addicted to sugar and food!
For years, I would cry every night for my star brothers to take me home.
One night, I was demanding that they show themselves to me, which they did. Sternly, they reminded me that I had chosen to live on earth at this time. They told me to stop whining and quit distracting them from their work. That was a humbling moment. Yet, I continued to whine and do all I could to avoid my mission. Recurring memories of past lives where I was tormented and killed for my beliefs did not help the situation.
Every time I would start to “shine my light” and people would take notice, I would withdraw in fear and sabotage my efforts. It was during this time that I agreed to channel my first book, Mayan Messages. Then the Guides asked me to put it in all the US prisons. I agreed and used my own money to do so. My goal was to spend my money, do the project and I am outta here!
My prayer was to go to sleep and not wake up.
I had read that Paramahansa Yogananda was able to “will” himself to death as a spiritual practice called “samadhi.” I decided to give it a try. I had $400 to my name and a truck that needed $1000 in repairs. Before going to bed that night, I made a pact that if I awoke in the morning, I would surrender and be more committed to this life.
I woke up the next morning, relieved, yet seriously pissed off. I had my hopes set on a samadhi exit. Apparently, samadhi is for more enlightened folks. It wasn’t time for me to exit. It was past time for me to begin my mission. That was when I made my last big surrender. Things went significantly uphill after that. First, I had to get the momentum going in a new direction, choosing life. I nearly killed myself physically as a house cleaner for two years so I could build up my finances. I refused to borrow money from anyone since I had deliberately put myself in this financial bind. It was my “rock bottom.”
COSMIC COLLEGE: THERESA MEETS THE TEAM
Then I began what I call “Cosmic College.” Several Light Beings started communicating with me. They would telepathically give me information along with many energetic downloads. As needed, they would direct me to additional information online or through a book. Several people were led to me, providing the answer to the next question I was seeking. They taught me about chakras, essential oils, how to pray, remote healing, communicating with nature spirits and then… the Dark Forces.
Within two years, each of the current members of the SoulCleanse team started teaching me their specific roles to help awaken the human race and assist the planet. What we are doing is “cutting edge,” never before done in this manner and at this level. Sometimes we have to pull back, usually for my safety. The Dark aren’t all that keen about the work we are doing and they try various means to distract me and to shut me down.
There have been many hardships in my life and I still have some blocks that I am working on. But, overall, I discovered that the hardest experiences often create the greatest rewards. I learned to be grateful for the good, the bad and the ugly.
It is my honor to assist my clients on their awakening path. It is the only thing that brings me true joy. We are all spirit beings having a human experience. How beautiful it would be if we were able to dispel the dark from our lives and truly experience earth in its pristine form! I am reminded of Mahatma Gandhi and what one man can do to make a difference. He is my inspiration, as well as every one of my clients who turns their lives around. Will you be the next?
Two decades ago, I demanded to see my future and they gave me a snippet. It was too big for me to handle and I shut it out for many years. Now the vision for the future unfolds slowly. The less I resist and the more fear I release, the less scary and the more exciting the Big Picture becomes.
I see more educational videos and online classes on the horizon.
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I hold onto the safety of working from home, but I am sure they will likely pull me out into society more as time goes on. Walk with me and we’ll unfold a beautiful picture together! Networking is one of the strong nudges I am being given at this time. As co-creators, the more we work together for the Light, the sooner we can get the dark to choose the Light or to be Quarantined. Then we can bring heaven to earth, enjoying the fruits of the earth while in physical embodiment… this time, with remembrance of our gifts and spiritual roots. That’s a goal worth obtaining!
I hope you found some inspiration and resonance while reading about my life.
We all have our stories and our measure of joyful and painful memories. When we can come together and share in order to release, the deep healing can begin.
Many try to put me on a pedestal. They have done the same with other teachers, including Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed and many other masters who have embodied on earth. Yet, the truth is that each of us walks our unique path. No human is perfect in the sense that they live their entire lives without pain… or without causing angst to others. When we release judgment and comparisons, and bring out our own god/goddess within, then we can truly enjoy our co-creative abilities and BE the love that we are, while in embodiment.
Our Higher Selves created us, to come here and BE an expression of unconditional love. Let love be your measure with every thought, word and action. Let love shine the light on your fears. Use your inner light to uncover the beliefs you created that no longer serve you. The more we do this individually, the more we positively impact the human race collectively.
Reverend Theresa Crabtree