Think of the base of a building in which there are four pillars. If one pillar collapses, the building will fall. The four basic pillars of relationships are love, kindness, empathy and trust. Each of these encompasses a broad range of emotions and possible experiences. Love ranges from absolute hatred or fear to unconditional love. The parameters of kindness range from co-dependency to allowing others to follow their dreams. Empathy ranges from being completely ignorant of another’s emotional state to a feeling that you must persuade others to embrace your beliefs. Trust ranges from total wariness to seeing another as a great Master.
Some foundations will remain at a superficial level. These are generally relationships with people you’ve just met or run into occasionally such as the grocery store clerk, post office personnel and people you meet on the street or at social gatherings. Your relationships with these people are dependent on your life experiences and belief codes.
If the pillars (belief codes) you set for your relationship foundation include, “If I let someone get close to me, they can hurt me. If someone is kind to me, then I will have to repay that kindness. I don’t want to be bothered by others’ problems; they need to take care of their own problems. People have to earn my trust.” your relationships will likely not grow beyond the moment; there is no bonding.
If the pillars you have created include belief codes such as, “In essence, all people are good. I love all without conditions. People are kind. I am always available to help anyone who wants my help. People are trustworthy.” Can you see the different way you are likely to interact with others you encounter?
Throughout life, you have the opportunity to build stronger or weaker foundations. If you choose positive belief codes (love all unconditionally, be kind even to those who are unkind, have empathy for all and trust without reservations), your relationships with strangers, family and friends will be strong or at least as strong as the other is capable of receiving what you offer. At the least, you will be a good role model.
Those who have difficulty breaking through fear and past hurts will have difficulty relating to others due to their inability to love, be kind, have empathy or trust. They are destined to a life of loneliness and despair, unless they break through these belief codes and patterns.
The foundation you build with another person will determine the strength, length and endurance of your friendship. As the saying goes, “It takes two to tango.” No matter how strong of a foundation you create, your relationships will only be as strong as the amount of love, kindness, empathy and trust each of you has built into your foundation. Happy building!
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